Bringing more to the table?

So my twins have started camp and I'm trying to figure out what to do with this extra time. It's not enough time to go get a job, but it's enough time to finnish all my house keeping and than get bored and succum to watching too much day time television. I've looked into classes, but most classes for adults are in the evenings or on the weekends... no help for me. I'm feeling now that I should be doing more with my life. I've deprived myself for so long of the option to have a life outside my home that I've lost all ambition to do more. I'm so narrow minded that I think the only step in a new direction that would bring more meaning is haveing another a baby... but that's crazy!! I hardly have the energy to take care of the 2 that I allready have and what happens if it's twins again! There is that nagging guilt that I should bring more to the table. I am a woman living in the modern world. I could have it all... the kids, an education, a job, a life, volunteer work and a personal trainer. But who really has the energy to do it all and not get burned out and end up sacraficing the more important thing for the rest? I chose not to work so I could raise my own children and not leave them with a babysitter who trys to bring them close to jesus or feed them non-kosher or yogurt b/f they've had rice cereal (I'd also would have had to pay a babysitter more than I'd end up makeing myself). Not that I don't understand the woman who do go to work, just i don't know how they have the energy to do it all and thankfully my husband hasn't told me we are drowning and I need to work. Ofcourse those that choose to work I understand it too, I just wasn't ready to cut the cord from my babies and think there was a world of my own beyond them. So now I'm seeing the light and think that there could be a world for me that may not involve them. But I've lost all ambition. To go back to school seems a waste b/c I know I probably won't end up getting a job when i'm done.. just haveing more babies. I went to an art college (which explains all my misspelling) so I allready got to learn all those artistic skills and fun crafts that some adult classes offer. I also know how to cook and spent many years in yeshiva/ bais yaakov that when I go to a shiur I've heard the message before and know the punchline of the shiur with in 10 minutes. So perhaps I should become a bikur cholim lady after all... which was my fall back tactic if I didn't do well on my SATs in High School (I went to art school instead). I don't even know where to begin to get involved in chessed... I live in a large jewish community that it seems self sufficient with out me. I also feel like I'm giving of myself so much allready will I be able to do organized chessed and feel good about it. So I remind myself that chesed begins in the home. That can be interupted that I make the world a better place by raising good humen beings, that I bring comfort and happiness to my husband and if that is all the energy I have to spend or the only opputunity I have to make good in this world than that is enough. I've tryed the personal trainer thing and I haven't found a reliable one that doesn't get a boyfriend out of state and leave on me! Also I mention b/f that I cook (and like to eat) so the training didn't offer alot of results.
So I'm just ranting here and looking for feedback from random strangers. Most will probably think I'm just feeling sorry for myself and looking for excuses to not turn my tv off and get off the couch. It may be true. When I complained to my doctor of my lack of energy she told me to go to a nutrionist and see a phsycologist. I thought that was a typical NY response.. go see a shrink. The nutritionsit idea... I read my naturaul health magazines and know alot more about what food is good for me and what isn't than perhaps the average person (I've been dieting since I was 11).
So instead I blog and hope to find answers from the blogsphere. I've learned alot from reading ther pples blogs. I have yet to find what words of wisdom I want to depart on my own blog... they will come soon I'm sure. For now, I rant.